


philophobia

by leleanors



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Bilingual Lance (Voltron), Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Coming Out, Fluff, Gay Keith (Voltron), Getting Together, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Kissing, M/M, Orphan Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Season/Series 01, Sharing a Bed, diverges as soon as they get out there basically, except its not a bed but whatever, keith did not have a good childhood, ok i just realized the summary makes it sound really angsty, this is super sweet and cute i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-04
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-19 13:21:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22111540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leleanors/pseuds/leleanors
Summary: Philophobia:the fear of love or of becoming emotionally connected with another person--“Keith, please, just let me help you, okay?” Lance is crying, Keith suddenly notices, “Please, just drop the fucking act for once and let me take care of you.”What comes out of Keith’s mouth next, he couldn’t quite explain. He must’ve lost a lot of blood, because in his right mind he would never ever have looked up at Lance like he does now, and said, “It’s not an act, Lance, it’s protection.”Lance’s face was growing blurry, but Keith could still see the confusion on it. “Protection from what, Keith?” Lance asks, his voice softer than Keith had ever heard.“You,” Keith says, and his eyes drift closed.
Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron)
Comments: 28
Kudos: 383
Collections: Voltron Stars🌌





	philophobia

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically a prequel to a series I'm going to write, which is basically just going to be the adventures of Lance and Keith, idiots in love. Enjoy!

Keith wasn’t sure exactly when it had started, or even  _ if _ it had started. Sometimes it sure felt like there wouldn’t be an end, as there hadn’t been a start. And God, did that scare him. 

All he knew was that every single goddamn time he saw Lance, he got distracted. Now, he knew that was really fucking inconvenient considering how he has to see Lance every day for training. 

All he knew was that when Lance was helping Hunk bake  _ el mejor pastel en el universo, Hunk, de verdad _ , when he took a bite and practically melted into the countertop he was sitting on, and loudly proclaimed to Hunk  _ I love you, man, por dios, this is the best fucking cake I’ve had in my life, en serio, te quiero tanto para hacerlo,  _ well, Keith had practically died on the spot. 

All he knew was that a few days after Keith stumbled out of a healing pod, and under a second after Pidge fell out of hers, Lance had yanked them all into a group hug. 

All he knew was that in that moment, with Lance’s arm around his shoulder, with Lance saying  _ I love you guys, so much,  _ Keith had the impulse to lean closer to Lance, to say  _ I love you too.  _

And shit, that was not okay. 

\--

They had only been in space for around two months, but they had gotten close in a way that only happens after lifetimes together. Close enough that it was making Keith antsy in a way that he’s entirely unused to. 

He’s had a lifetime of experience of longing for company, but now he had company. If he asked, he would have someone to comfort him when all he wanted was to waste away in the dark. 

He’s only had that twice before, once when he was too young and too naive to understand how much of a blessing his father was, and once when he was fifteen and angry and most of all so  _ fucking scared  _ that he couldn’t have gone to Shiro for comfort if he tried. 

But now. Now, he had  _ six _ people who cared for him. 

And to top it all off, he had a strange fondness for Lance that ran so deep he could call it 

_ (love) _

he could say that Lance had the potential to be his best friend. 

But it was making Keith antsy in a way that he didn’t know how to fix, that hours on hours on hours on the training deck couldn’t remedy, that made him collapse at four in the morning, having just run his bayard through the torso of the gladiator, that made him sob in the silent way that he had taught himself to do. 

That,  _ fuck, _ that caught Lance’s attention as he walked down the hall. 

Lance was rushing into the training room before the tears even started to fall, maybe even before his knees hit the ground with a jolting  _ thump _ .

“Woah, Keith, you okay? Have you been up all night that’s not healthy, man, you gotta-” 

Keith curls his hands over the back of his neck, nails digging into his skin. Lance must think he’s so fucking weak, sitting on the floor crying like he’s what- four? He can’t

“Hey, are you crying? Hey, it’s alright, you’re okay,” Lance murmurs, his hands gently pulling Keith’s head down to Lance’s shoulder. 

It takes Keith four seconds too long to remember his place, scrambling away from Lance and up to his feet. “ _ Lance, _ ” he gasps, in a way that was much too desperate for his liking, practically spitting his next words out, “Lance. I don’t need you to- to-  _ fuck _ \- to comfort me.” 

“Keith,” Lance warily gets to his feet, holding his hands out, “I don’t mind, if you want me to stay here while you-” 

“No!” Keith hisses, “I don’t want you to stay here,  _ I don’t need you.” _

Keith stalks out of the room and it takes all of his willpower not to turn back at the way Lance slumps over when he leaves. 

\--

On the next mission, Keith find himself backed into a corner of a Galra battleship with Lance. He’s holding the Galra away, protecting his teammate. While Lance programs the escape pod they’re in for takeoff, Keith takes a shot for him.

Or two. 

Or four. 

The doors slide closed and the pod shoots off just as Keith braces himself for a fifth that he couldn’t have blocked without Lance getting hurt, and Keith gasps wetly. One of them had hit him somewhere in the stomach area and he could feel blood in the back of his throat, gagging him to the point that he’s coughing. 

He’s coughing and choking and he can’t breathe, his breaths gasping wetly through his mouth.

“Keith, Keith, Keith,  _ mierda, _ Keith are you okay?” 

Keith rolls his eyes and grins up at Lance, his mouth still full of blood. “ _ Peachy _ .”

“Keith, please, just let me help you, okay?” Lance is crying, Keith suddenly notices, “ _ Please _ , just drop the fucking act for  _ once _ and let me take care of you.” 

What comes out of Keith’s mouth next, he couldn’t quite explain. He must’ve lost a lot of blood, because in his right mind he would never ever have looked up at Lance like he does now, and said, “It’s not an  _ act, _ Lance, it’s  _ protection. _ ” 

Lance’s face was growing blurry, but Keith could still see the confusion on it. “Protection from what, Keith?” Lance asks, his voice softer than Keith had ever heard. 

“You,” Keith says, and his eyes drifted closed. 

\--

When Keith falls out of the healing pod, it was into Lance’s arms. 

\--

“Keith.” Shiro corners him after dinner one night, some days later. Weeks, maybe. Keith wasn’t much for keeping track of time. 

“Hey Shiro,” Keith says.

“You need to talk to Lance.” 

Keith scoffs, and tries to step past Shiro, but an arm stops him. 

“You need to, Keith.” 

“Why. There’s nothing to talk about.” 

“He’s worried about you, Keith,” Shiro sighs, “Just please, explain it to him.” 

“It’s  _ none of his business _ .” 

“It became his business when you talked to him on that escape pod, Keith.” 

Keith lets out a small whine, “Fine, I’ll talk to him.” 

When Shiro lets him go, he heads straight for the training deck. 

He doesn’t get any sleep that night. 

\--

Four team dinners later, Keith still hasn’t approached Lance, and Shiro’s disappointed looks have only gotten harsher. 

He’s going to the training deck again, although he had planned on being done for the day before dinner. He just couldn’t sleep he was so 

(lonely) 

restless. He just hadn’t done enough that day to constitute being tired, he tells himself, and so he heads to the training deck. 

He doesn’t have to change, he basically lived in a simple t-shirt and a pair of sweats that he had found in the closets hidden in the walls since he didn’t really sleep enough to justify changing into pajamas. 

Instead of turning onto the training deck, he keeps walking for a reason beyond himself. He can feel Red’s delight in the back of his mind, so he just keeps walking, trusting Red to bring him somewhere he needs to go. 

He doesn’t expect to find Lance, sitting in an alcove some ten feet off the ground, knees curled to his chest. 

Keith has to jump to reach the rim of the alcove with his hand to pull himself up. He sits next to Lance and opened his mouth to speak, to apologize, maybe, to explain. 

But Lance speaks first, “I miss Earth so much.  _ Tanto. _ ” 

“What do you miss most?” 

“My family,” Lance says, so matter of fact that Keith feels so stupid for thinking it could be anything other than his family. 

Instead of telling Lance that what he misses most is the wind on his face, the fresh air early in the morning, watching the sun rise without feeling obligated to  _ do something _ , Keith just says, “Oh.”

“What’s your family like?” Lance asked, “Is there a Mama Kogane out there, ready to kick everyone’s ass for letting her little boy disappear? Ooh, or any siblings,  _ ay _ , a little you would be tan lindo, Keith.”

Keith is so taken by surprise that he doesn’t even say anything for a long couple minutes, just staring at Lance. For as long as he could remember he’d been the  _ orphan kid _ , and before that he’d been that weird kid without a mom. And Lance had just

“Hey? You good?” Lance waved a hand in front of Keith’s face. 

“Yeah, you um,” Keith furrowed his brow, looking at Lance, “You don’t know?” 

“Know… about your family?” 

Keith cocked his head a bit and smiled, “I don’t have a family, Lance.” 

“What do you mean? Everyone has a family, Keith.” Lance says, something on his face resembling genuine confusion. “You have to have parents and- and even if you dont you have friends, you can’t just-” 

“Lance,” Keith whispered. 

“You can’t just…  _ not.”  _

“Lance,” Keith says, louder, “Look at me.” 

Lance did, and his eyes were wide with something Keith had never seen before, and so, so  _ soft.  _

“It’s okay, Lance, I promise.” 

“No,  _ Keith,  _ mierda,  _ no. _ ” 

“Lance-”

“ _ Keith, _ ” Lance slowly reached a hand out and cupped Keith’s cheek, rubbing his thumb up and down so gently that Keith couldn’t remember if he had- 

if anyone had ever 

“Keith, te quiero tanto,” Lance says, and in that brief moment it didn’t matter if Keith was letting his walls down, that he didn’t understand what Lance had just says, because Lance’s  _ hand _ was on his  _ face _ and it was so  _ gentle _ and Keith was 

( _ lonely _ ) 

Keith tried to tell Lance to take his fucking hand off his face and shove it up his ass, but all that came out was a small, desperate, “Please, I-” 

And then Lance was shifting so they were both leaning their backs against the wall of the little alcove, and he was pulling Keith’s head down to his shoulder and wrapping his arm around Keith’s waist, and murmuring something over and over and Keith had slept maybe two hours in the past week and before he could protest, his eyes were drifting closed. 

“Me gustas, rojito, y yo sé que no puedes oírme o entenderme, pero te gusta mucho, guapo. Buenas noches. Sue ñ os dulces.” 

_ I like you, little red, and I know that you can’t hear me or understand me, but I like you so much, handsome. Good night. Sweet dreams. _

\--

When Keith wakes up the next morning, his first instinct is to panic. There’s an arm wrapped tightly around his waist and another body pressed close to his, and Keith knows that can’t mean anything good. So, he panics. Scrambles away from the arm holding him close and promptly falls out of the alcove he was in and down the ten or so feet to the ground. 

Lance yawns loudly and looks down to Keith, “You okay, rojito?” 

Keith nods abruptly, says abruptly, “Sorry.” And then he leaves. Abruptly. 

\--

Lance approaches him hours later, long enough that Keith’s soaked with sweat and his head is pounding from not drinking anything all day. 

Lance holds a hydration pouch out to him, and Keith takes it gratefully. 

“I’m-” Keith says, at the same time Lance says, “Can we-” 

“Sorry,” Keith says, “Go ahead.” He sipped on the hydration pouch with a small smile. 

“I- uh-” Lance shakes his head suddenly and violently, making Keith take a step back, “Sorry, I mean, I’m sorry for overstepping last night, I shouldn’t have- I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” 

“Oh,” Keith says, not sure what he’s supposed to do when someone apologizes to him, “Um, you didn’t I just, um, freaked out a bit ‘cause it’s never really ended well when someone else was with me when I woke up.” Keith winces at that.

Lance grins, and fuck, Keith is done for. 

\--

It’s the fourth night in the row where Keith woke up gasping from a nightmare, tears drying on his face, and he immediately clapped a hand over his mouth, struggling to breathe through his nose because he needs to  _ be quiet, be quiet, be quiet _ . 

When Keith calms down enough to breathe semi-normally, he gets up and pulls his dagger out from under the pillow, having let go of it as he woke up, and he heads to the training deck. Pidge added analog clocks that run the equivalent Earth-time to all the Castle clocks, and it reads at about two in the morning. Keith sighs, he only got an hour of sleep, max. 

Keith stops outside of the kitchen. The light’s on, and normally he wouldn’t care but he really didn’t feel like training right then. But really, does he ever? 

Keith opens the door to go in right as Lance is coming out and they almost run into each other. 

“Hi,” Lance says, and his face seems a shade darker than usual. 

Keith, worried about the flush on his face and the sweat beading on his brow, says, “Are you okay?” 

“Uh, yeah?” 

“You look sick.” 

“Wow, thanks dude.” 

“No, I don’t mean-” Keith cut himself off with a bitter huff, “I’m… just worried about you.” 

“Oh.” Lance seems shocked at this statement, “Thanks, dude, but I’m okay.” 

“Okay,” Keith said, and moves to walk away, to the training room. 

“Wait!” Lance calls. 

Keith looks at him expectantly. 

“I- uh… do you like hot chocolate?” 

“Never had it.” 

“You’ve-” Lance looks scandalized, “Okay, have this.” Lance shoves a steaming mug that Keith just realized he was holding into Keith’s hands, before turning and marching back into the kitchen. 

“I don’t want to take your drink,” Keith says, helplessly following Lance. 

“No, nuh-uh,” Lance says, wagging an accusing finger in his face, “You are not living one more  _ second _ of your life without having hot chocolate, not on my watch.” 

Keith blinks at Lance hesitantly, but takes a sip as Lance glares insistantly at him. “It… doesn’t really taste like chocolate.” 

“Oh,” Lance looks disappointed. 

“It’s good though.” 

“No, it’s just,” Lance grimaces as he pours space milk into his mug, “I would always drink hot chocolate when I couldn’t sleep at home.” 

Keith took another sip, “What did you do if you didn’t have the stuff to make it?” 

Lance smiled sadly, “We always had chocolate and milk, Keith.” 

The way he says Keith’s name tugs at a feeling in his chest, and Keith finds himself tugging Lance down the corridor, past the training room, and to below the little alcove they spent the night in together those days ago. 

It takes some teamwork to get themselves and the hot chocolate up without spilling it, but they manage. 

“It’s so lonely out here,” Lance says, as they stare out the window of the alcove together, their sides pressed together, “And cold.” 

Keith hums, sipping his hot chocolate. He really wants to try the Earth version. 

“I hate the cold,” Lance continues, “I always had like fifteen blankets on my bed at the Garrison because I was so used to- where are you going? Keith?” 

Keith had jumped out of the alcove, leaving his mug carefully to the side, and was marching determinedly to the linen closet as Lance spoke. Keith holds up a finger, and Lance’s protests fade. 

He comes back carrying two of the thickest, fluffiest blankets he could find, and throws them up before he jumps. 

“Oh,” Lance says, slowly pulling one over his legs, “Thanks, Keith.” 

Keith watches him huddle up under the blanket, pulling all his limbs close together, and makes his decision, scooting sideways until he and Lance are pressed together, and pulls the second blanket over them both. 

Keith can feel how warm Lance’s skin is, even through the baseball tee Lance always wears, and  _ no,  _ his heart is not beating faster than normal, thank you very much. 

“What do you miss most,” Lance asks. He’s slid down the wall far enough that his cheek is pressed to Keith’s shoulder. 

Keith takes another long sip of his hot chocolate. “The wind,” he says eventually, and then regrets. What a dumb thing to say, Kogane, you miss the fucking wind. Not anything a normal person would miss, like your house or your family,  _ oh wait.  _

But Lance nods like he understands. “I miss the rain.” 

Keith shudders a bit, hopefully not enough for Lance to notice, “I don’t like rain.” 

“Why not?” 

“It’s cold,” Keith says, “At least, when you’ve been out-” Keith cuts himself off before he can say too much, too much about how 

(scared) 

weak the rain makes him. 

“Out what?” 

Keith looks at Lance, then, and there’s something in his eyes that’s so… trusting, so innocent, that Keith can’t help but continue, “When you’ve been locked out in it all night.” 

“Yeah, that can’t be too pleasant,” Lance says, and Keith knows he’ll forever be grateful for it. 

There’s a long pause, in which Keith finishes his hot chocolate and gently sets the mug outside of his leg’s reach, just in case. 

“It’s late,” Lance says. Keith moves to get up, to go back to his room where he’ll stay for all of ten minutes before he has to get up, to move, to go to the training deck- 

“We should sleep,” Lance says, but he sits up and wraps an arm firmly around Keith’s shoulders. 

“Lance,” Keith says, “I’ll freak out again.” 

Lance shrugs, and Keith can feel the movement from where he’s pressed again Lance’s chest. “As long as you don’t hit my face. That’s the moneymaker, Keithy-boy.” 

Keith snorts, “You couldn’t be a model if you tried.” 

“Ooh, baby, who said anything about modeling,” Keith looks up and Lance waggles his eyebrows at him, in that way that’s so distinctly  _ Lance _ . 

Keith laughs a little bit. “You’re ridiculous,” he says, but he settles his head on the junction of Lance’s shoulder and chest, and tries to force himself to relax. He finds he doesn’t have to try too hard, and he’s asleep faster than he has since he was six, since ever, maybe. 

\--

When Keith wakes up, he’s in no hurry to move. He’s warm, and comfortable, and content. For a brief moment, he wonders how he’s come to be so comfortable, as he’s never warm, and he always sleeps restlessly, never really feeling safe when he’s not awake and aware. 

But he does feel safe. He opens his eyes and lifts his head, groaning a bit as he feels the crick in his back. He blinks a couple times, and then he realizes he’s curled up close, almost on top of Lance. 

_ Oh, _ he thinks,  _ I’m done for.  _

\--

Things improve from there, sort of. During the day cycle, when Keith can see Lance’s face, can watch his smile and his laugh, Keith just can’t bring himself to let his guard down. Lance is too loud, too exuberant, too  _ much _ . But at night, when they’re curled up together in their little alcove, when Keith can only see the outline of Lance’s face if he squints, then he’s okay. 

He’s not subtle about it either, apparently. 

“Why don’t you act like this all the time?” Lance asks one night, Keith’s hand bunched in the collar of his shirt. 

“Like what?” 

“You know, like this.” Lance runs a hand over Keith’s head, “You’re so…  _ Keith _ out there.” 

“You act different here, too.” 

“No,” Lance says. “I act different out there.” 

\--

Keith’s gotten used to getting six plus hours of sleep at night, and he doesn’t notice this change in his body until its suddenly ripped away. 

Lance gets hurt. It’s nothing too serious, a shot grazed along his arm, and another in his calf, but Coran wants him in the pod for a day or two to ensure that the tendons in his calf wouldn’t be affected. 

And Keith can’t sleep. 

And so, Keith trains, like he used to, until the lights brighten again for the daylight cycle and Shiro comes to find him for breakfast. 

“How long you been up?” Shiro asks, with a suspicious look in his eye. 

Keith shrugged, “Not too long, I just couldn’t sleep well.” The lie rolls of his tongue easily. 

Shiro nods, and leads Keith to the dining room. 

\--

The next night, Keith still can’t sleep. Lance is going to be out of the pod around four in the morning (yUgei in Altean time, if Keith is reading the clock right), and all the other paladins have set an alarm so they can be there when Lance wakes up, but of course, Keith can’t sleep. 

He still sets an alarm, but it’s just so nobody will walk in on him training and get all worried. 

By the time it goes off, Keith is ready to collapse, to sink into bed and never get up, but of course he can’t do that. Sometimes, he just thinks its so  _ unfair _ , how he can’t even convince himself he’s safe anymore, not when his instincts are screaming like that. 

So instead of collapsing, Keith wipes the sweat from his forehead and heads to the medbay. 

\--

When Lance falls out of the pod and into Hunk’s arms, the first person he reaches out for is Keith. 

\--

“Have you been sleeping,” Lance asks later, in the alcove, tracing the dark rings under Keith’s eyes with his heavy gaze. His hand reaches out as if to touch, but he had learned not to touch Keith’s face fast enough. 

Keith shrugs, “I have insomnia.” 

“You always sleep here.” 

“Yeah,” Keith says softly, “I guess I do.” 

\--

“Hey,” Lance says one night, with Keith falling asleep under his arm. “You remember that mission we went on together, like a month or so back? Where you got shot, like a lot, in the escape pod?” 

Keith nods, not liking where this is going. 

“Do you remember what you said before you passed out?” 

Keith shrugs but of course he remembers. 

“I asked you to drop the act so I could take care of you,” Lance says, and when Keith moves himself so he’s sitting on the other side of the alcove, facing Lance, their legs tangling together, he sees that Lance’s face is scrunching up in a way that Keith doesn’t like. “And you said- you said it was protection. From…  _ me. _ ” 

Keith nods. 

When it’s clear that Keith isn’t going to say anything, he continues, “Keith, what does that mean? You know I would never hurt you, right?” 

Lance is staring into Keith’s eyes, his gaze heavy and serious. Keith opens his mouth to respond, closes it, licks his lips, and then says, “I don’t know. It’s just… I don’t… it’s hard.” 

“What  _ happened _ to you?”

“I don’t think- I don’t want to… not yet.” Keith is staring at a blank spot on the wall, worried that he’ll break if he looks at Lance or even at his reflection in the window.

“Okay,” Lance says, “Okay.” 

Keith smiles a bit, and shifts back over next to Lance so he can curl up on his chest. 

“I will never hurt you, Keith I pr-” 

“Don’t promise,” Keith says. And then, because Lance has got his face all scrunched up again, “I can’t fall asleep around someone I don’t really trust.” 

Lance’s face smooths out, and he smiles down at Keith. 

Keith drifts off to sleep, feeling warm. 

\--

A week or two before, once Keith realized sleeping with Lance was going to be a regular thing, he had convinced Pidge to make him a little ring that vibrates as an alarm. He told her it was because the Altean clock hurt his ears, but the truth was that he had never needed an alarm before. 

Now, he thanked her every morning. 

Lance always woke up a little bit as Keith untangled them and jumped down, but usually just enough to murmur a sleepy  _ good morning _ and roll back over to sleep. 

This morning, Lance gets up with him, and says, “Can I train with you this morning?” 

“Uh,” Keith was unaware their little arrangement was going to extend past the dead of night, “I guess?” 

But with the way Lance lights up, it’s worth it. 

\--

They’d been in space for four months now, and Pidge sat them down all together after dinner one night. “This is an intervention,” Pidge says, slamming her hands on the table. 

Hunk looks nervous. “For what?” 

“Lance and Keith are in love.” Pidge says, so matter of factly it doesn’t quite register in Keith’s brain what she had- 

“WHAT,” Keith shoots to his feet. 

_ no no no no no no no no no _

“Oh come on, Pidgey, what are you on about?” Lance says, with that easy smile that Keith lo-hates so much, “Keith and I are friends, like everyone else on this team.” 

“Well, yes,” Pidge says, folding her hands together neatly, “But you are also in love with each other. I never said you were dating.” 

Keith is still shocked to the point that he can’t say anything even though he tries and he really doesn’t like it when this happens because it reminds him of

nothing 

“Pidgey, darling, I love everyone here.” Lance says, with that fucking  _ face _ . 

“ _ Yes, _ ” Pidge sighs, and she’s getting mad now, and Keith knows what happens when people get mad  he doesn’t want to  “That wasn’t my point, Lance.” 

Lance rolls his eyes, “Leave it, Pidge.” And his voice is so serious that Pidge does. Keith would be surprised if he could just  _ breathe _ .    
  


Shiro notices, because of course he does and Keith doesn’t want anyone to notice because he doesn’t want Shiro to see him like this because he’s weak weak weak weak weak weak weak weak weak weak weak weak weak weak weak 

he’s drowning 

Shiro grabs Keith’s arm to lead him out of the room and Keith can’t help but flinch because he knows it’s Shiro, of course he does but Shiro’s big and muscular and he’s holding onto Keith’s arm and that is not okay not okay Keith doesn’t want people touching him he doesn’t like it  _ he doesn’t like it.  _

Keith is still hyperventilating and he can’t breathe, but Shiro lets go of his arm once they leave the room so that’s like a brick was taken off of Keith’s chest but there was still six more shoved right into his lungs because Pidge knows. 

Pidge knows 

_ Pidge knows _

oh god oh she knows and she told everyone everyone was in that room when she told them and everyone knows now they know he’s gay and they know he likes lance and they know know know and now he’s going to hurt because that’s bad bad bad bad bad bad bad he can’t be bad he doesn’t like the hurt but it’s coming and oh here comes the hand 

_ i don’t want it to hurt anymore  _

Someone is saying his name now, is calling out to him. He has to pay attention, what if it’s important, he can’t mess up just cause he can’t pay attention. 

“Keith, breathe,” the person is saying, “In with me now, and out with me, okay.” 

Keith follows the instructions because he knows he can at least do that. It’s a simple task, that’s okay. 

“Okay, with me, with me,” the person says, “Focus on me, look at my face. Do you recognize me?” 

Keith forces himself to look up because the person said to, even though he shouldn’t because he was told to so it’s an exception. 

He doesn’t know the person, although he does look like someone that Keith should know. 

“Okay, do you recognize me?” The person says. His arms are very large. Keith couldn’t fight him off. 

Keith doesn’t nod his head because what does the person want, what does he want Keith can’t tell the truth because he’ll get mad and then 

“I want you to be honest, please. Do you recognize me?” 

Keith shakes his head a little bit. 

“Okay, hi Keith, my name’s Shiro, I’m your brother.” 

Keith doesn’t have a brother he doesn’t have a family he doesn’t deserve one he’s just a burden he’s just a waste of space money time energy 

“Breathe with me okay, just like that,” the person says, “Where are you, Keith?” 

Keith shrugs, he doesn’t know but it’s white, so white, and he doesn’t like it, it feels like a hospital. 

“Okay, that’s okay. Can you talk? That wasn’t a request, I mean physically are you able to?” The person says. 

Keith shakes his head. 

“That’s fine, do you want to go sit in your room? It locks from the inside. I won’t come in with you.”

Keith nods. His head is starting to clear a bit. 

By the time they get to his room, Keith is back. He’s still breathing heavily, but he knows where he is, he can think a little. He hates it when this happens, when it feels like there’s barbed wire wrapped around his throat, forcing him quiet. It’s instinct, now. 

“Pidge knows I like him,” Keith says, sitting down heavily on his bed. 

“Yeah,” Shiro says, “What’s wrong with that?” 

“I just- now he knows too.” 

“Not necessarily. Have you thought about just telling him?” 

“I can’t, Shiro,” Keith whispers, “It’ll ruin everything.” 

“Ok.” Shiro puts his hand on Keith’s shoulder, and gets up to leave. “Just think about it.” 

Keith nods. 

\--

That night, Keith can’t bring himself to go to the alcove, and so 2 AM finds him on the training deck, trying to fight his way to sleep. He doesn’t want to go see Lance. 

But apparently Lance wants to see him. 

“Hey,” he says, leaning against the doorway, watching. 

“End training sequence,” Keith says, and the two gladiators he’d been fighting disappear. 

They stare at each other for a bit, Keith not wanting to initiate whatever the hell this is. 

“Why’d you run off earlier?” Lance finally asks. 

Keith shrugs, “I thought you would be mad?” 

“Why?” Lance asks, stepping forward, “You’re my friend.”

“Yeah, and I don’t know, I thought you’d be mad that she thought you like guys.” 

“Well, first of all, I’m bi, and second, Keith, it’s 2019, unless it’s 2020, do you think we’ve been up here that long? Never mind. There’s nothing wrong with-” 

“No, Lance,” Keith closes the last bit of distance so they’re standing almost nose to nose, “I’m gay, I just… I don’t know, you seemed mad.” 

Lance smiles, and Keith’s heart does a little jig, “I was mad, because it was obvious Pidge made you super uncomfortable.” 

“Oh,” Keith breathes. 

“Yeah,” It seems for a second Lance is leaning in, but then he steps back and says, “Well, we would make an adorable couple, don’t ‘cha think, rojito?” He winks, and takes Keith’s arm, leading him out of the training room. 

Keith stumbles along after him. It really had felt like Lance was about to kiss him, but it looks like that was just wishful thinking.  _ Fuck you and your feelings,  _ Keith thinks to himself,  _ don’t ruin this.  _

“Hey, you with me?” Lance just makes it worse every goddamn second, doesn’t he? Why does he have to be so  _ nice _ . Keith nods. “Kay, well you go take a shower and  _ dry your hair _ , meet you in the usual spot?” 

“Yeah.” 

“You look dead, hopefully a good night’s sleep with your one true love will fix… that.” Lance gestures at Keith with another wink, and turns on his heel, marching back into the maze of hallways determinedly. 

“Thanks, Lance,” Keith calls after him.  _ Fuck. _

Keith doesn’t like taking showers late at night. For some reasons, Alteans don’t have any shame, and so the shower room was just one big open space. It made Keith antsy when the Castle was as silent as it was at night. 

Not that it isn’t quiet in the day, but the lights have a slight humming noise, and you can hear the air through the vents. During the night cycle, there’s nothing. It makes Keith feel like something’s sneaking up on him. 

Keith showers and dries quickly, wanting to meet Lance as soon as possible. 

He hates the fact that Pidge was right, at least about him. He was stupidly obsessed with that boy. 

Lance is not in the alcove. 

Their alcove, really, at this point. 

Keith quickly decides that if Lance chose to bail, he was going to respect that. Still, he curled up in the pile of blankets that they’ve stopped moving back and forth every night, and inhales the scent of Lance’s shampoo. 

It smells sort of like mango. Lance had picked it up on a planet they had saved when they had been out in space for maybe a month, and he claims it works wonders. 

It was harder to fall asleep without Lance there, but Keith had been on the training deck for almost four hours, and so his insomnia thankfully decided to let him drift away. 

He was comfortable, sure. 

But it was a hell of a lot nicer with Lance there. 

\--

Keith wakes up to his little ring alarm clock, as usual. He yawns, waking up at five was a lot harder when you went to bed past two, maybe even three in the morning. 

Keith tries to sit up, and finds himself trapped by a strong arm wrapped around his waist. His heart speeds up a bit, and he twists himself out of the grip, shooting to his feet, and immediately banging his head on the ceiling. 

God, he always forgets that he can’t stand in this dumbass alcove. At least he didn’t fall out this time. 

“Where’s the fire, samurai?” Lance murmurs sleepily.  _ Lance.  _

“Oh,” Keith sits down heavily, “You’re here.” 

Lance hums an affirmative, “I made hot chocolate, but you were asleep when I got here ‘n I didn’t want to wake you. You look peaceful when you sleep, mostly.” Lance waves his hand in the direction of the two empty mugs sitting by the edge of the alcove. Wow, good thing Keith didn’t knock those off. 

“Thanks,” Keith says, “I thought you went back to your room.” 

Lance smiles, “And leave my best guy hanging? Naw, you think too little of me, rojito.”

Keith smiles back. Lance was so pretty when he was waking up. 

Lance extends his hands, pulling gently at Keith’s shoulders, “Now come back to sleep, idiot, you can’t get up this early.” 

_ Say no,  _ Keith thinks,  _ you have to train, to be better.  _

“Okay,” Keith says, and lets Lance pull him back to curl up against his chest. “I’m sorry I doubted you.” 

“It’s okay, Keithy,” Lance says, his voice getting softer and more slurred as he slips back into sleep, “I know you don’t mean it.” Lance presses a gentle kiss to the top of Keith’s head, and his breathing evens out. 

_ What.  _

Had Lance just kissed him? 

Well, he was really tired, Keith had kept him up late, after all. It didn’t mean anything. 

It didn’t mean anything, Keith assures himself, trying to let the sounds of Lance’s soft breathing and the steady beat of his heart lull him to sleep. 

Just because he likes boys doesn’t mean he likes Keith. 

\--

Keith wakes up some hours later to Lance’s hand gently moving through his hair. The lights have brightened, but outside the window it’s as black as ever. 

“Good morning,” Lance says.

“I miss sunlight,” Keith mumbles into Lance’s chest, still curled up together as they are. 

Lance sighs, “Me too.” 

From farther down the hall, Keith hears Hunk’s voice, “Lance? Keith? Hello?” 

Lance pulls the two mugs away from the edge of the alcove and huddles closer to the window, pulling Keith with him. He puts a finger to his lips and smiles conspiratorially at Keith. 

Keith’s heart jumps. 

Hunk walks past below the alcove, muttering to himself in annoyance. 

A few minutes later, Lance gets an alert on his communicator, from Hunk. 

_ Allura says day off training. Going to space mall. Coran needs something.  _

“Yes!!” Lance shoots up with the force of his excitement, “Space mall day, Keith!” 

“Cool.” 

“Come on, let’s go get money from Coran,” Lance pulls Keith to the edge of the alcove and they jump down together, “I want to find space Cheetos.” 

\--

Coran looks surprised to see Keith, which isn’t too unexpected considering that Keith hadn’t asked for any money any of the four times they had been to the mall before. 

“What’s made you ask for some GAC now, my boy?” He asks cheerfully, dropping a hand on Keith’s shoulder, which Keith shied away from. 

Keith shrugs, and accepted the little pouch of coins he’s handed with a quiet, “Thanks.” 

“Get something nice for yourself, Keith,” Coran says, more seriously, “You deserve a treat.” 

Keith smiles tightly. 

\--

“Where do you normally go when we come down here anyways? I never see you,” Lance asks, pulling Keith around the mall by his wrist. 

Keith shrugs, “I either stay on the Castle or I follow someone around.” 

“Really? How do you find anything for yourself if you’re just going where someone else wants to?” 

“I don’t.” 

Lance stops, his hand letting go of Keith’s wrist. Keith finds himself disappointed, missing the feel of Lance’s hand. “You haven’t bought anything for yourself at all?” 

Keith shakes his head, “I didn’t want to take Coran’s money.” 

“Keith,” Lance says softly, with a look in his eyes that Keith usually doesn’t see until Lance is almost asleep. “He gives it to us. He wants us to get things for ourselves.” 

“Yeah, that’s what he said,” Keith forces his eyes away from Lance’s. 

“Just… get something for you today, okay?” 

Keith nods a bit, “If I find something.” 

“Okay,” Lance says, his hands landing on Keith’s upper arms and slipping down until both of Keith’s are clasped in his. He drops one, and then he’s pulling Keith along again, the only indication that anything happened the fact that they’re holding hands now, instead of Lance holding onto Keith’s wrist. 

Keith steps forward so he and Lance are walking shoulder to shoulder. He squeezes Lance’s hand, and tells himself that he imagines Lance squeezing his in return. 

\-- 

At some point, Lance had untangled their hands and said casually to Keith, “Hey, let’s split up for a bit, I wanna go find Hunk.” 

Keith had carefully kept his face unresponsive and said, “Okay, sure.” 

It was okay, anyways, it’s not like he hadn’t known Lance was going to get tired of him at some point. So Keith just wandered the stores, picking up things that interested him but never buying them. He conveniently forgets his promise to Lance to get himself something. 

He tries a free sample of a small circular disk sort of thing. It squishes in his hand but crunches in his mouth and it tastes  _ exactly  _ like Cheetos. Remembering Lance’s words from that morning, he buys the largest bag he can find, and finds out that they’re insanely cheap.

_ That’s good, _ Keith thinks,  _ wouldn’t want to take too much money.  _

A few stores down, Keith finds a store that only sells alarm clocks, all different versions. He’s about to leave, as he already has his ring and the one in his room, but then he sees how the store seems to glow, like it was bathed in the mid-morning sunlight, and he follows the light. 

He really does miss the sunlight. He feels like the ship’s lighting is slowly tearing his sense of time from him. It’s disorienting him, and hell, maybe he just enjoys sunlight. 

At least he knows that won’t abandon him. 

It turns out the light is coming from a little projector ( _ hologram _ projector, the vendor insists) which is designed to wake you up as the sunrise would. It’s specifically for people like the paladins, who spends weeks upon weeks away from the comfort of home with only the fake lighting. 

There’s different settings for different types of stars, distances, planets that have more than one sun. There’s even one where you can change the color that the light is. Keith turns it blue, and it looks like the whole store is underwater. 

_ Lance would love this. _

Keith is so enthralled with it, he almost forgets to pay for it. 

As he’s walking around, the little projector clutched carefully in one hand, space cheetos in the other, he sees a kiosk selling different types of bags, that look like paper gift bags from Earth. Keith got a little one that would hold the projector. 

It was a pale yellow color, with white polka dots. Keith asked to borrow a pen from the vendor, and wrote  _ For Lance _ on the top of the bag in a thick black that looked and smelled kinda like Sharpie. 

After a moment of hesitation, he drew a little beach with the sun rising over the water, with a little cartoon of Lance in a beach chair on the sand. He hastily scribbles a little signature below the drawing ( ♥ Keith) before he can lose his nerve. 

He thanks the vendor, and carefully places the projector in his little gift bag. 

Keith wonders vaguely why he’s getting Lance a gift when it’s obvious that Lance doesn’t want to be around him, but he knows the answer. 

He maybe, possibly, likes Lance more than he likes the rest of the paladins. 

It’s not okay, but Keith doesn’t intend to tell anyone, so nobody can tell him how  _ wrong _ it is to take advantage of Lance like that, when Lance is just being nice. Just helping out a friend, because that’s the type of thing Lance does. 

God, he could freak out about being Lance’s  _ friend _ later. 

Maybe the projector and the space cheetos would be suitable payment for all Lance had done for him. Keith really hates being indebted to people. 

Keith decides to head back to the Castle before he impulsively buys more things for Lance. 

\--

He returns the rest of the money to Coran, who opens the bag and frowns at the amount of money left.

“I- I’m sorry, Coran, I didn’t mean to spend so much, I won’t-” 

Coran waves his hand, “Not a problem, my boy, you should’ve bought more, actually.” 

“Okay,” Keith says, and starts backing out of the room. 

“No, take this, my boy, and this,” Coran gives him the rest of the pouch of GAC, along with a new, full one. “Next time, spend it all. We need all the comfort we can get in these times, Keith.” 

Keith swallows hard at the amount of money he’s holding, but he just nods and leaves. No need to upset Coran, to be even more of an inconvenience. 

\--

The rest of them return later, barging into the rec room where Keith’s reading on the couch, Pidge bragging about her new video game. Lance would normally be right beside her, claiming his treasures were better, but he’s uncharacteristically silent today. 

Pidge seems to notice too, “Come on Lance, you didn’t get anything today?” 

Lance laughs, pushing her shoulder playfully, “Anything’s better than that game, Pidgey.” 

“Then what did you geeeeeetttt?” Pidge tries to looks in the frankly enormous bag Lance is carrying, but he pulls it away from her. 

“Private stuff,” Lance says, winking. 

“Gross!” Pidge drops the bag, “I bet it’s like, a vibrator or something.” 

“Aw, come on, Pidge,” Hunk says, “Leave him alone.” 

“Hi Keith!” Lance waves at him with the brightest smile. 

_ He’s so cute,  _ Keith thinks, and waves back. 

“I looked for you,” Lance says, jumping over the back of the couch to sit close enough to Keith that their thighs are pressing together, “Where’d you go?” 

Keith shrugs, “Found everything I needed.” 

Lance frowns a bit, but doesn’t push. 

“Come on lovebirds, let’s help with dinner,” Pidge says, “Hunk got some new stuff, so no slop tonight.”

Keith tries to get up, but Lance has a firm grip on his arm, and holds him down. 

Everyone else files out after Pidge and Hunk, and they’re left alone, with Lance almost sitting on top of Keith. His heart is racing, like it seems to be doing a lot around Lance. 

“I’ll show you what I got later tonight,” Lance whispers, his mouth almost touching Keith’s ear, “Usual spot.” 

Keith smiles at him, “I will too.” 

“Now come on, rojito, let’s not be rude, we both know that Pidge can’t cook, she’s just stealing all the ingredients,” Lance stands up, and gives Keith a hand to pull him up. 

“You steal the ingredients.” 

“I’m  _ taste testing _ !” 

\--

Keith gets to their alcove before Lance, and sets the space Cheetos and the projector carefully up before he jumps. 

Lance arrives not long after, with his enormous bag. It’s literally almost too big for Lance to even hold by himself, if it wasn’t for the handles on the bag. 

“Ooh! You first,” Lance says, when he sees Keith’s two bags, the one with the projector carefully turned away so Lance can’t see the little drawing yet, “I wanna see what  _ the  _ Keith Kogane got himself.” 

Keith opens the bag of space Cheetos first, and winces a bit at the texture as he pulls one out. How they were squishy like that, but still crunched was beyond him. He offers the open bag to Lance as he chews. 

Lance squints at him suspiciously when he picks one up, but eats it all the same. His eyes widen comically at his first bite, “ _ Keith. _ These are-” 

“Space Cheetos,” Keith says, with a little smile, “For you.” 

“Oh my god,” Lance says, through a handful of them, “I could kiss you right now.” 

Keith lets his smile grow a bit more.  _ Don’t bush, don’t blush, he didn’t mean it, he’s kidding.  _ “You next, and then I’ll show you this,” Keith says, motioning at the yellow bag with the projector. 

Lance nods, grabs another space Cheeto, and pulls his bag closer to himself, and then pushes it to sit in front of Keith. “Here. I didn’t actually think you would get anything for yourself, so I- uh- kinda snuck off to get you presents. I hope you didn’t think I just left you high and dry.” 

Keith had thought that, but that’s not what he’s thinking now. “What?” Keith breathes, “No.” 

“Yes? Here, it’s all for you.” 

“I- No, Lance, I can’t accept this,” Keith tries to give Lance the bag back, but Lance grabs his hands and holds them still. 

“Please, Keith, I want to give this stuff to you.” Lance’s thumb is rubbing over Keith’s knuckles. 

Keith huffs, trying to seem annoyed, but he keeps letting his smile grow. It’s like he has no control over his face. But he can’t seem to be mad about it, if his smile was making Lance look  _ like that. _

“It’s not my birthday, or- or Christmas or anything.” 

“No it’s not, it’s a different holiday.” 

Keith cocks his head, “It is?” 

“Mhm. Give Keith Kogane presents day. It was made a national holiday yesterday, by the president of the world, Lance McClain-Álaverez.” 

Keith laughs at that. He meets Lance’s eyes and says, “If you’re sure.” 

“I am,” Lance says back, as softly as Keith’s words were. “Now, open it! Open it! Open it! Open it!” 

“Okay, I’m going,” Keith laughs, pushing Lance’s hands off and pulling tissue paper out of the bag. 

The first thing he pulls out is a notebook. Confused, he opens it to find blank paper made from a material he’s never felt before, but it’s thick and durable, and would be perfect for drawing on. 

“I’ve seen you doodling on the data pads before, and I figured you would want to uh- you know,” Lance looks nervous. His hands are flailing around more than usual as he talks. 

“Thank you,” Keith says, staring into Lance’s eyes for a few seconds. He carefully places the sketchbook next to him and reaches back into the bag. It’s a box of pencils, pens, and markers. Lance tells him that he picked them out just for Keith. 

“They were sold individually,” He says, laughing nervously. 

The next item is a pair of black sweatpants and a light gray long sleeved t-shirt, folded up together. Keith rubs the soft material between two fingers before folding them up again neatly, to set down with the sketchbook and pencil box. 

“You never wear any of the stuff from the Altean closets, so I figured you would want something that is more… Earth-like.” Lance explains. 

“What closets?” 

“Oh my god, you didn’t know?” When Keith shakes his head, Lance gasps over-dramatically and falls backwards, “We have closets in our rooms, you didn’t have to wear this same set of clothes for the past like- four months. Ew.” 

“I wash them!” Keith laughs a bit at that too. He can’t seem to stop himself tonight. 

“Where? Do you shower in them like-” Lance wheezes a laugh, “Like fucking- I’m washing me and my clothes?” 

“There’s a laundry room!” 

“I cannot- you’re that fucking vine, Keith, oh my god,” Lance is basically wheezing every breath between his leaghter now, and he’s slid down the wall so he’s rolling around on the floor instead of sitting up. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Haven’t you seen that vine? It’s a classic, Keith.” 

“What's a vine?” Keith asks, taking one of the Cheetos. 

“Wha-” Lance whines loudly, “Keith! Oh my god! They’re- like- they’re six second videos and they’re the only true form of comedy.” 

“Okay, whatever,” Keith says, and reaches into the bag again before Lance can continue. 

He pulls out a two sheaths bound together with string. 

“Lance.” 

“Yes, dear?” 

“Did you buy me knives.” 

“Okay, I know it seems weird, but just look at them, please.” 

Keith pulls out the larger one first, which is about the size of the knife that his mom left him. The whole thing is bright white, with one sharp edge. The hilt is carved with intricate flowers that shimmer sort of blue, like how an opal does. 

“Pretty,” Keith says. 

“The flowers are uh- fuck,” Lance tilts his head back to glare at the ceiling, “What are they? Um- Kuilnahs! That’s it! The guy who sold it to me said that in his culture, they bring good luck to warriors, and so they’re traditionally common gifts from lovers when someone goes to war, but now they’re often carved into things to ensure that you don’t lose you lucky flower.” 

“Oh,” Keith says, and has to stop himself from leaning down when his eyes meet Lance’s. “Thank you,” he whispers, and as Lance sits up again, their noses are almost touching. 

He sheathes the white knife and lines it up with his other gifts. The hilt of the next knife is a deep maroon, the blade double-sided and a dull metallic silver. The knife is only about as long as his hand from his wrist to the tip of his middle finger, but it’s sharp, and the metal looks strong. In the center of the crossguard there’s a single mounted red stone, which seems to swirl as Keith looks at it. 

“I just liked how that one looks” Lance says, “Since red seems to be your favorite color and all. Plus it’s small, so it’s easy to hide.” 

“My favorite color is blue,” Keith says absently, running his fingers over the stone. 

“Really? Mine’s red.” 

“That’s ironic,” Keith carefully lies this knife next to the other. 

“I guess it is.” 

Keith stares down at his collection of gifts. They were all so personal, and it wasn’t even an occasion. People didn’t just give things to Keith. He didn’t deserve them. 

Lance nudges Keith with his elbow, “Hey, there’s more. You good?”

“This is a lot of stuff, Lance.” 

“Yeah,” Lance reaches a hand out, waits for Keith’s eyes to meet his before gently turning Keith’s head around so they’re fully facing each other. “I got this stuff because I care about you. And I know you haven’t gotten any personal items out here, and all you have is your clothes and that knife that you try to hide.” 

“But-” 

“No buts, Keith. You deserve to be spoiled. You deserve to be loved and to get gifts when there isn’t a holiday.” 

“I’m just not used to this,” Keith mumbles, and sinks down, hesitantly leaning against Lance’s chest, like he does when they sleep up here. “It’s a lot.” 

“Okay,” Lance settles his arm around Keith’s shoulders, “But will you finish opening everything at least? There’s only two left and I think you’ll like them.”

Keith nods, and pulls the bag towards himself, but makes no move to get away from Lance. And with the way Lance settles around him like he’s meant to fit there, it seems like he doesn’t mind too much. 

The next item is a stuffed animal that’s about as large as Keith’s torso. It looks a bit like a possum, but a possum with a row of spikes down it’s back, chicken legs, and a bright orange nose. It’s kinda cute, actually. 

Keith huffs a bit of a laugh, “What is this?” 

“Not quite sure, but it’s soft and cuddly,” Lance says, “And… from what I’ve guessed it doesn’t seem like you had the stuffed animal sort of childhood, so I figured you might want to start your collection now.” 

“Collection?” 

“Yes! Everyone needs a stuffed animal collection, it’s like, a law.” 

Keith smiles, and tilts his head backwards so that Lance can see that he is actually smiling. He briefly hugs the possum-thing to his chest and then sets it down with everything else. 

“Last one,” Lance says, and then he leans his head down so his chin is resting on the top of Keith’s head. For some inexplicable reason, this relaxes Keith, instead of driving him to panic like it normally would. 

Keith has to feel around in the bottom of the bag for a bit before his hand touches the little box. It fits in the palm of his hand. And when he opens it, he finds a pair of earrings. 

“I noticed your ears are pierced. And I’m not sure if you like wearing earrings or not, but hopefully you can still wear them, and like them.” Lance says, and Keith can feel the vibrations from Lance’s chest. 

The earrings are little silver hoops, with a section that hinges open so he can put them on, with a dainty little sun shape hanging off each one, also silver. 

“I love them,” Keith says, and reaches up to put them in his ears. He winces a bit, as his ears have closed up a bit. He opened them after he got booted from the Garrison, but hadn’t worn any earrings since they got out here, seeing as he didn’t have any in when they left. It feels nice to wear earrings again. 

He had gotten his ears pierced when he was twelve, and living in a good foster home. He knew it couldn’t last, so he asked to get them pierced when he knew he at least had long enough for them to heal. It was one part of himself that he had chosen, and it was something that no homophobic parent could take from him, as they couldn’t exactly un-pierce his ears. 

“Your turn,” Keith says, and reluctantly pulls himself from Lance’s arms to get his gift. He sits cross legged, across from Lance who does the same. He sets the little yellow bag in between them. 

“Oh, Keith, this is adorable,” Lance says when he sees the little drawing, “Is that me?” 

Keith nods. 

“Aw, I love it! Okay, let’s see…” Lance pulls the projector out and sets it down between them, where Keith had set the bag. “Um, we’re gonna hope the biggest button is on and-” 

The projector lights up and suddenly their alcove, and part of the hall was bathed in sunlight. Keith had set it to look like early morning on Earth. Lance gasps, and his hands fly to his face, covering his mouth. 

“Keith,” he breathes, “Wow, I- wow.” 

Keith smiles, “It’s um, an alarm clock, so you can set it to wake you up with a sunrise every morning, and there’s different, like, types of light, and oh!” 

Keith twists the projector around to face him, and sets the color to blue. 

Lance lets out another wet gasp. His eyes are bright with unshed tears. “It’s like the ocean.” 

Keith nods, and reaches to brush a tear off Lance’s cheek. 

“This is my favorite,” Keith says, and sets the projector to make the sunset around them. They’re bathed in colors, reds and oranges and pinks, all shifting almost imperceptibly. 

He switches it back to the ocean after a minute because he’s tired and the light is bright. 

“Keith,” Lance says again, wiping desperately at his tears, “ _ Thank you. _ ” 

Lance takes both of Keith’s hands in his, and squeezes like he’s afraid to let go. With Keith’s hand still inside of his, Lance reaches up to touch Keith’s cheek. 

“Keith,” he says, his voice soft and full of emotions in a way that only happens when you’ve been crying, “Can I-” 

Keith leans forward a bit, and he can smell the space Cheetos on Lance’s breath. They’re bare inches away from each other. 

“Can I kiss you?” Lance finally asks, and Keith lets his eyes flick down to Lance’s lips for a millisecond. 

And then, Keith’s gaze is locked with Lance, and he looks so pretty in the blue lights. 

Keith leans in the last few inches and seals their lips together. It’s barely even a kiss, chaste and short, and Keith leans back to smile at Lance. 

“Hi,” Lance says, and even though Keith had leaned away, their noses were a hair’s width away from touching. 

“Hi,” Keith says. 

Lance leans forward and then they’re kissing again. Neither of them pull away this time, and Lance lets go of both of Keith’s hands to settle his own on Keith, one on the back of his neck and the other pulling at his thigh. 

The kiss deepens, and they’re gasping into each other’s mouths. It’s getting sloppier, but god, it doesn’t really matter when it makes Keith feel this good. 

Lance’s hand moves from his thigh to wrap it around Keith’s waist, and he pulls Keith towards him, laying him down a bit. Keith uncrosses his legs and wraps them around Lance as he moves forward, pressing their chests together, one of Lance’s legs in between Keith’s. 

Lance pulls back for a second and breaths into Keith’s mouth. 

“Hi,” Keith says, panting a bit. He pauses for a second, relishing in the feel of Lance holding him, before asking, “You okay?” 

“Yeah,” Lance gasps, “I’m wonderful, Keithy, so good.” 

“Stop calling me that,” Keith says, but he can’t even force himself to playfully scowl with the floaty feeling in his chest. 

Lance presses another quick kiss to Keith’s mouth, and then carefully lowers Keith so he’s fully laying down. He just sits there, staring down at Keith with a reverent sort of look on his face for so long that Keith feels the need to ask what the hell he’s doing. 

“You actually like me, don’t you?” Lance says, in response. 

“Yeah, I really do,” Keith says, and after a hard swallow, “And I’m really scared.”

“Me too,” Lance whispers, leaning down to press a kiss to the side of Keith’s neck, “Are you gonna run away in the morning?” 

“Maybe. Do you want to be like, boyfriends?” Keith gasps as Lance presses quick kisses around the collar of his shirt. 

“Yes, I really, really do. You?” 

“Yeah,” Keith reaches a hand up to pull Lance up to his mouth, and then down into another long kiss. When they finally pull away from each other, he says, “I don’t think I will run away. I think that I want to get up and train with my boyfriend,” he kisses Lance again, “And then eat breakfast with my boyfriend,” another kiss, “and then, after team training, I want to eat lunch with my boyfriend,” another, “And then I want to spend the afternoon with my boyfriend.” One more. 

“I think I want that too, rojito,” Lance smiles, “I can’t believe I bagged Keith motherfucking Kogane, I hope you know that sixteen year old me is having a  _ riot _ .” 

Keith laughs heartily, and playing pushes at Lance’s chest. “Stop it!” 

“No, I don’t think I will,” Lance kisses the corner of Keith’s mouth, “Because my  _ boyfriend _ is the best catch in the whole universe. And that’s true, because I’ve seen the whole universe.” 

“I’m sure you have.” 

They laugh together, and then kiss a bit more. 

Once Lance has to start pulling away to yawn, Keith pushes his boyfriend (his boyfriend!) off of his and back into the spots they sleep in. 

They’re lying there, curled up together as usual, but somehow it feels different, warmer, when Keith mumbles against the skin of Lance’s neck, “I can’t promise I won’t ever get freaked out and pull away. You’ve known me for a bit now, you know it’s going to happen.” 

“I know,” Lance says into the side of Keith’s head, where it’s nestled into Lance’s neck. “I’m just asking that you at least try and work with me a bit. Tell me when you’re getting freaked out, like you did tonight, with the gifts.” 

“Okay,” Keith’s voice cracks a bit, “I think I can do that.” 

“Now, to sleep with you, mi cielo,” Lance rubs soothing circles into Keith’s back, “I want to wake up soon so I can spend tomorrow with my  guapísimo boyfriend, okay?” 

“Good night, Lance,” Keith says. 

He picks his head up to press one more kiss to Lance’s lips, before nestling his face back into the crook of his neck and shoulder. 

“Te deseo dulces sue ños, rojito.” 

There was nowhere Keith would rather be. 

He wasn’t sure when he had started loving Lance, but he hoped that it would never end. 

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I hope you guys liked that, I'm unpracticed in writing romance. Please comment, I really want to hear from you guys! 
> 
> I was planning to do a little drawing of their first kiss scene, but I decided I wanted to post this ASAP. Also, I'm Not Good at drawing kissing. 
> 
> originally this was going to be in a series but! i decided to rewrite it, i wanted to change a bunch of the plot and all 
> 
> SO IF YOU WANT MORE  
> subscribe to my profile! i will post the rewrite in a series and then you can subscribe to the series once it’s posted if you don’t want to read anything else i may write :)
> 
> Please, please comment. I love you all so much and it's so nice to hear what you think about my writing!


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